Insanity and Sugar: Hatori's plan
by october darkness
Summary: Cream cheese will make everything better!Yeah right Kyo........[COMPLETE]
1. Default Chapter

Konnichiwa, Sakuma here. This fanfic makes absolutely no sense. Enjoy:

Yuki was surfing the net one day, bored out of his mind. Kyo suddenly came out of nowhere and pounced on Yuki.

"Hiya damn rat," Kyo said happily.

"Get off my you biyatch," Yuki complained.

"Do I look like a girl to you," Kyo asked.

"Go away."

"Never, for I am Catwoman," Kyo shouted.

"I thought you said you weren't a girl," Yuki said.

"I'm not, I'm Catwoman," said Kyo.

"But you're a guy," said Yuki.

"I am!" Kyo said, shocked.

"SHIGURE, KYO IS GENDER-CONFUSED," Yuki shouted at the dog.

Yuki went searching for Shigure while Kyo jumped all over the living room, pretending to be Catwoman. Yuki reached Shigure's office, and slammed the door open.

"Shigure," Yuki yelled.

Shigure jumped about 20 feet in the air, causing him to lose his place in the book he was reading.

"You made me lose my page, you whore," Shigure complained.

"Since when am I a whore?" Yuki asked.

"Omigod, you're a whore! LISTEN EVERYONE, YUKI'S A WHORE," Shigure yelled.

"I AM NOT," Yuki yelled back.

Yuki stormed out of Shigure's office, mad at both Shigure and 'Catwoman', who was nowhere to be seen. Yuki did, however, see Tohru.

"Sohma-kun, I heard shouting," Tohru said.

"It was just stupid Shigure," said Yuki.

"There's something else, will you come here please," Tohru said.

She led Yuki outside and pointed to the roof. On the roof was Kyo, dressed like Catwoman.

"Kyo, get your neko ass down here," Yuki commanded.

"No way, you whore," Kyo retorted.

"Sohma-kun, you're a whore," Tohru questioned.

"Goddammit, I'm not a fucking whore," Yuki yelled.

"Kyo-kun, please get down, before you get hurt."

"Or before anyone sees you," Yuki added.

Before they could say anything else, 'Catwoman' began pelting onigiri at Tohru and Yuki.

"Take that you evil whore,' Kyo yelled, now only throwing onigiri at Yuki.

"Goddammit, I'm calling Hatori," Yuki said, storming off.

**Hatori's Office: Main House**

Hatori saw the entire incident from hidden cameras. He grinned evilly.

" Laugh while you can, because soon, **you will be mine**."


	2. The Sock Fairy, Cowboys, and SchfiftyFi

Konnichiwa, Sakuma here. Here's chapter 2:

**The Next Day:**

Yuki woke up, and instantly knew he wasn't feeling well. He felt dizzy and was coughing more than usual (A/N: I don't think he coughed much, but oh well).He fished around his medicine cabinet until he found a thermometer, and took his temperature.

"_101.5, I have a fever,"_ Yuki thought to himself.

He felt someone collide with him. He turned to see Kyo, who looked crazy. His hair was a mess; he had one of Tohru's ribbons in his hair, mix-matched socks, a black shirt, a white tie, and green shorts on.

"Kyo, are you INSANE," Yuki asked.

"Come quick Tohru's dead,' said Kyo, leading Yuki to Tohru's bedroom.

Inside Tohru's neatly kept room, Tohru was still fast asleep.

"Kyo you baka, she's just sleeping," said Yuki.

"Oh, never mind then," Kyo said happily.

"Where is Shigure,' asked Yuki.

"On the roof,' Kyo said casually.

"What?"

Yuki rushed outside to see Shigure standing on the roof, singing I Wanna Be a Cowboy (A/N: It's a song by Boys Don't Cry)

"Shigure, get down from there," Yuki yelled.

"Yeah right, this is too much fun," said Shigure.

"Shigure, you have until the count of three," Yuki threatened.

"No!"

"One…"

"No way, I'm staying!"

"Two…."

"Guess what," said Kyo.

"WHAT!" yelled Yuki.

"I know…..how to count…ALL DE WAY…… to Schfifty-five,' said Kyo.

"I DON'T CARE," Yuki yelled.

"Shwam,' said Kyo.

"You shut up. Shigure, don't make me come up there!"

"Doo, doo and hief, scheven."

"SHUT UP KYO," yelled Yuki.

"I wanna be a cowboy," Shigure sang.

"Schfourteen-teen, schtwenty-scheven heif, 27, 37," Kyo sang.

"What you say," sang Shigure.

"SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU," Yuki yelled.

"Never!" Kyo protested.

Yuki was not liking this. He felt horrible and needed best rest, but these idiots wouldn't behave.

"Greetings younger brother,' a voice said

Yuki whirled around and say his older brother in an outfit worse than Kyo's. Ayame was wearing a dark green dress(A/N: almost like a green maid's outfit) with a set of fake silver wings in the back and a fake wand that he was waving around.

"I have come to save the day, because I am THE SOCK FAIRY," said Ayame.

"Come again?" Yuki said, confused.

"I will take ALL OF YOUR SOCKS, and wash them, hence the name the Sock Fairy,"said Ayame.

Before Yuki could say anything, Ayame shoved Yuki to the ground and pulled Yuki's socks off. He then climbed out on the roof to see Shigure.

"Aaya, what brings you here in this…..interesting getup," said Shigure, eyeing Ayame's dress.

"Well, Gure-san, I am the Sock Fairy. I must wash all the socks in this house," said Ayame.

"By all means, take mine!" Shigure said excitedly, throwing his socks at Ayame.

"Now, Kyon-kichi, I **must** have your socks too," said Ayame.

'Hell no, not my pretties," said Kyo, staring at his pink frilly sock, and his black and gray striped one.

"Then I will WASH THEM BY FORCE," Ayame yelled.

Kyo ran fast, while Ayame jumped from the roof and chased him.

"Get down here!" Yuki yelled at Shigure.

"What are you? My mother?" said Shigure.

"Hell no, now get down," Yuki yelled.

"Nope, don't feel like it," Shigure said, testing Yuki's patience.

Yuki couldn't take it anymore. He climbed on the roof, but by the time he got up there, Shigure jumped off.

"I changed my mind," Shigure teased.

"Damn it Shigure, I'm gonna wring your neck,' Yuki threatened.

"Ooo, I'm scared now," Shigure said sarcastically.

Yuki climbed down from the roof carefully, since he had a fever. Shigure didn't see Yuki as a threat and just scooped Yuki up as soon as he touched the ground.

"Put me down!" Yuki protested.

"Nah, I don't **feel** like it," said Shigure.

**Hatori's Office**

Hatori was observing this from his hidden cameras and laughed.

"You will feel my wrath, Yuki Sohma. I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE," Hatori declared.

"Uh, Hatori-san, Akito is ready for his checkup," a maid said from outside.

"Fine, tell him I'll be there," said Hatori.

So what do you think? Please review


	3. Gayness, Pajamas and Bunny Slippers

Konnichiwa, Sakuma here. This is going to be so fun, hehehe, evil Hatori.

Like it or not, Yuki still had to go to school. Tohru had finally woken up, and Kyo had escaped from the 'Sock Fairy'. But he still hadn't bothered to change into his uniform and still had the ribbon in his hair, which was red and clashed horribly with his orange hair. He had also added a pink ribbon around his neck, tie like a bow.

"Interesting outfit, Orangey," said Uo.

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty," Kyo sang, and skipped down the hallway.

Uo and Hana could not contain their laughter.

"Did he go gay overnight or something," Uo asked.

"Yes it seems that way," said Hana.

Kyo was not the only one who didn't bother wearing their uniforms. Haru had worn regular clothes, and Momiji was in bunny pajamas, with matching slippers.

"Yuki-kun!' Momiji shouted as he ran towards Yuki.

"Ah! Don't touch me, I have the flu!" Yuki yelled.

"Ew, why aren't you wearing a mask or something? We don't want to catch it,' Uo complained.

Yuki sighed heavily as he pulled a surgical mask out of his pocket and put it on. He hated these masks so much, but he didn't what the whole school to catch the flu from him.

"Momiji-kun, why are you wearing your pajamas still?" Tohru asked.

"Y'mean its not Pajama Day," Momiji asked.

"Not that I know of," Tohru said.

"Aw, then Ha'ri lied to me!" Momiji whined.

"Say what?" said Yuki.

"Well Ha'ri said that today was Pajama Day, and he even let borrow his slippers," Momiji said.

"Those furry bunny slippers are his. He said he'd kill me if I said anything. Oops! I already did!" Momiji said, hyperly.

"Eh!" Tohru said, shocked.

"Hatori doesn't seem like the bunny-slipper type," Kyo said," But I have kitty-slippers, cuz I'm CATWOMAN!" Kyo shouted.

Once again, Uo and Hana started laughing, and Momiji joined in.

"Come, Bunny-Boy, and be my side-kick," Kyo offered.

"Okey dokey!" Momiji said happily.

Haru finally caught up with them. Just by walking down the hallway, he got lost.

"Oh, my dear Yuki, are you sick?" Haru asked, indicating Yuki's mask.

"I have the flu," Yuki said briefly.

"You must go home and let me make you soup and take care of you," Haru offered.

"That's OK, I'm fine," Yuki said quickly. He didn't want Haru to try to take care of him. He might get lost on the way to the kitchen.

"Is gay contagious?" Uo asked Hana.

"I hope not," Hana replied.

"I guess we should get to class," Tohru said.

They all headed to class before the bell rang. Yuki had the hardest time trying to pay attention. He had a blaring headache and the mask was annoying the hell out of him. In the middle of a lesson, Kyo stood up and walked out of the classroom without notice.

"Sohma-san, could you go get your cousin?" the teacher asked.

Yuki was thankful for an excuse to get out of the stuffy classroom, but had no idea what horrors awaited him.


	4. Hallway battles and haunted classrooms

Konnichiwa, Sakuma here. I forgot to mention that I don't own Schfifty-five. It's a video on this website. If you want, I can put the link on my bio page. Anyway, here's chapter 4:

Yuki only took two steps outside when someone grabbed him. They tied a blindfold around his eyes and dragged him away. Yuki tried to fight, put that's not an easy task when you're sick.

"Let me go you bastard," Yuki screamed.

"Shut the hell up," a familiar voice said.

"Holy crap, Black Haru?" said Yuki.

"Shut up!" Black Haru yelled.

"Stop right there!" someone else yelled.

"Who the hell are you?" Black Haru demanded.

"I am.. Catwoman," said Kyo.

"_Oh shit, I'm doomed,_" Yuki thought to himself.

Yuki fell to the floor as Haru dropped him. He ripped off the blindfold to see Kyo in his Catwoman suit battling Haru, who was losing. Kyo gave him one good kick and sent him flying down the hallway. Kyo scooped up Yuki and ran like hell.

"What the hell am I? The damsel in distress?" Yuki demanded.

"Yeah, pretty much," Kyo said.

"Kyo, watch out for-" Yuki started.

Too late. Kyo had ran into Ayame's closed fist. While Kyo was knocked out cold, Ayame took his mix-matched socks.

"Such pretty socks, wasted on such ugly feet," Ayame said.

Before Ayame could kidnap Yuki, Yuki ran like hell the other way. He forgot that Haru was on the other end of the hallway, and was scooped up by him.

"This is pissing me off, put.me.down," Yuki growled.

Haru ignored Yuki and continued to run. Yuki had no idea why Haru was kidnapping him, nor where they were going. Yuki could see that Ayame was close behind them, dragging an unconscious Kyo.

"HALT!" someone yelled.

Yuki saw Momiji (still in his bunny pajamas) waving around a STOP sign.

"Move it, punk, or I'll break your nose," Haru threatened.

"You gotta say the password, or I won't let you through," Momiji said.

"How about I beat your ass instead," Haru growled.

"Bananas,' Ayame said.

"OK, you can go through," said Momiji, as he stepped out of the way.

"Yay! I got the password right!" Ayame cheered.

They continued down the hallway, until they reached an empty classroom.

"Why is this classroom empty?" Ayame asked.

"Its rumored that its haunted," said Haru.

"Lets go," Ayame said, as he opened the door to the "haunted" classroom.

It looked fairly normal, except that it was empty. The teacher's chair was facing the board, and Yuki could see that someone was sitting in it.

"Master, we brought the criminal," said Haru, throwing Yuki to the floor.

"And his sidekick," Ayame added, dropping Kyo.

"Very good, I will pay you later. Now go," said the figure.

Ayame and Haru dutifully left the classroom.

"Sit down," the figure demanded.

Yuki dragged Kyo to a chair and sat down next to him.

"What do you want?" Yuki asked.

"You can't tell who I am by my voice?" the person asked.

"Nope," Yuki said shortly.

"I'll give you a hint," the person said.

The teacher's chair turned slowly to reveal that the person was-

"OH MY GOD!" Kyo screamed.


	5. Duct tape, staplers and stolen cough syr

Konnichiwa, Sakuma here. I'm sorry that I've been so slow on updating my other story (for those who have read it) Summer break is almost here, so I will be able to update more often.

"OH MY GOD!" Kyo screamed.

Sitting in the chair was Hatori, with an evil smirk on his face.

"Shocked you there, didn't I," Hatori said evilly.

"You bastard, DIE," Kyo screamed as he pounced on Hatori.

This caught Hatori off-guard and he flew backward out of his chair. Yuki seized this opportunity to escape, but Haru was guarding the door. Haru led Yuki back to his chair, and duct-taped him to it.

"Now that I have your attention-" Hatori cut off.

"What the hell do you want?" Yuki demanded.

"I was getting to that," said Hatori.

"No you weren't," Kyo argued.

"SHUT UP!" Hatori yelled.

"Make me!"

" Haru, duct-tape please," Hatori ordered.

Haru handed over the duct-tape and Hatori taped Kyo's mouth shut.

"Now then, as I was saying- " Hatori started.

Kyo stared screaming, but even though his mouth was taped, it was still loud. The tape started to come off.

"Oh for crying out loud, SHUT UP," Hatori yelled as he smacked Kyo over the head with a textbook. This knocked Kyo out cold.

"Ok, that'll shut him up. Now what I was getting to. I am out to get revenge," Hatori said bluntly.

"Why?" asked Yuki.

"I will tell you. About three years ago, you had a cold," Hatori started.

"You're getting revenge on me because I got a cold when I was in middle school?"

"No! You came to me for medicine."

"And?"

"And I **lent** you some cough syrup."

"What about it?"

"You never gave it back."

"So, you have plenty of cough syrup."

"BUT I LIKED THAT ONE IN PARTICULAR!" Hatori screamed.

"Why?"

"Because it was grape flavor," said Hatori.

"Ew, I hate grape," said Kyo, who just woke up.

"GO BACK TO SLEEP," Hatori yelled, throwing a stapler at Kyo, but missed.

"Ha ha! Missed me missed me-" Kyo sang, but the second time, Hatori did not miss.

"So let me get this straight, you're trying to make my day a total hell just because of some stupid cough syrup?" Yuki asked.

"Correct," said Hatori.

"You're insane! Let me out of here!" Yuki demanded.

"'Fraid I can't do that Yuki I-" Hatori cut off.

"Master, I have a question," said Ayame.

"Fine, what is it?" Hatori asked irritated.

"Can I have your socks?" asked Ayame.

"_May_ I have your socks," Hatori corrected.

"No way in hell!" Ayame screamed, and ran out of the classroom.

"Why'd you kidnap Kyo when _I'm_ the one who 'stole' your cough syrup," Yuki asked.

"Shut up, you ask too many questions!" Hatori snapped, as he left the room.

Now he was sitting there, taped to a chair, next to Kyo.


	6. Squirelly Songs and Cowboys

Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or Foamy the Squirrel

Konnichiwa, Sakuma here. I'm starting to get better about updating, since school is almost out. Here's chapter 6:

A few minutes passed by, and Yuki was growing more and more uncomfortable with being taped to a chair. He heard the door being opened and half-expected to see Hatori. Instead he saw Tohru.

She was not in her uniform, but was dressed up like Elektra, with one sai in her hand, and one in her belt.

"Honda-san? Is that you," Yuki asked.

"That's Elektra to you," Tohru said.

"Can you help me?" Yuki asked.

"Sure," Tohru said.

She ripped the tape off of Yuki, and set him free. She ripped the tape off of Kyo, and woke him up.

"OW! Damn it that hurt," Kyo complained.

"Catwoman?" Tohru asked.

"Elektra?" Kyo asked.

"Yay, my sidekick!" said Tohru.

"Yay, my master!" Kyo said.

"Come my minion, we will defeat the evil villain Hatori," said Tohru.

The two ran out of the classroom and Yuki ran to catch up with the two. He ran into the hallway, but saw no one in the halls.

"_What the hell is going on?"_ Yuki thought to himself.

Yuki turned around and saw Shigure, dressed up as a cowboy, riding on the back of a cow. That cow, it couldn't be…

"Shigure, don't tell me that's Haru," Yuki said to Shigure.

"Actually, it is," Shigure said.

"What's with the get-up," Yuki asked.

"Oh this? I'm a cowboy," said Shigure.

"No you're not, you fucking bastard," Haru said, pissed off.

Before he could say anything else, Haru transformed back into a human.

"Oh, this is just great! I'm standing naked in a hallway. Go get my clothes before I strangle you, dumbass," Haru growled at Haru.

Shigure ran off to fetch (A/N: no pun intended) Haru's clothes.

"What the fuck are you staring at?" Haru said to Yuki.

"Not you," Yuki replied.

"Screw you, I'm leaving," Haru said.

"Well good luck walking around school naked," Yuki said evilly.

Haru stopped dead in his tracks and glared at Yuki.

"You suck," Haru glared.

They waited a few more minutes and Shigure returned, with clothes.

"I have retrieved your clothing," Shigure said triumphantly.

"**Shigure!** Do I look like a fucking girl to you?" Haru said angrily.

Shigure had not gotten Haru's clothes, but a girls' uniform instead.

"Well its that or nothing," said Yuki.

"I hate you."

Haru changed into the uniform and then slapped Shigure across the face.

"That's for making me wear girl's clothing, you bastard," Haru said.

Shigure ran for his life and Haru chased after them. Yuki followed Haru for no reason. It was just their luck that they ran into Momiji, who was convinced that he was the hall monitor.

"STOP!' Momiji yelled, waving a red STOP sign around.

Shigure and Haru continued to run, which pissed Momiji off.

"Get back here!" he yelled, chasing after Haru and Shigure.

Yuki gave up trying to catch up with the three. He went his own way and ran into Akito.

"Yuki-kun. I missed you so much!" Akito said.

"Really?"

"No," Akito said.

"Oh," Yuki said.

"I have a song, that I want to dedicate to you," said Akito

"What?" Yuki asked.

"I will kill you all, nothing you can do about it. I will kill you all, nothing you can do about it. Squirrelly wrath. Squirrelly wrath. Squirrelly wrath. You're gonna die, nothing you can do about. You're all gonna die, Squirrelly wrath," Akito sang. (A/N: I kinda changed the song a bit)

"You're not a squirrel," said Yuki.

"Go to hell," said Akito.

"Yeah yeah," Yuki shrugged.

"Come with me, my minion," said Akito.

"I'm not your goddamn minion," Yuki said angrily.

"Shut up! Yes you are!' Akito argued.

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Akito?"

Yuki turned around and saw-


	7. Elektra and Paintball guns

"Akito? How did you get here?" Kureno asked.

"You! How did you find me, damn it!" Akito screamed.

"Come quietly, and you won't have to wear the jacket," said Kureno.

"NOOO! NOT THE JACKET," Akito shrieked.

Akito ran off in the other direction and Kureno sighed.

"I'm sorry, she escaped from the main house, and is convinced that she's a squirrel," Kureno explained.

"Oh, that explains Squirrelly Wrath," said Yuki.

"I have to go get Akito," Kureno said, and ran off.

Yuki wandered around aimlessly for a while. He wondered what happened to Hatori's cough syrup. He used it once and then lost it. Yuki remembered that he spat half of it out because it tasted like crap. Yuki continued to wander until he was stopped by Momiji.

"Do you have a hall pass," Momiji asked.

"No."

"AHA! I got you now!"

Momiji slammed Yuki against the wall and handcuffed him.

"You're coming with me, you dirty delinquent," said Momiji.

"What the hell is your fucking problem," Yuki demanded.

Momiji smacked Yuki on the head.

"Shut up, you're in trouble now," said Momiji.

Momiji lead Yuki up the stairs to the third floor. The traveled across a hallway Yuki didn't recognize.

"Momiji, are we even allowed to be up here?"

"Silence, criminal!"

"Dude, I'm not a fucking criminal!"

"Master, I have brought the criminal!"

"Excellent, bring him to me," a voice said.

Yuki came face to face with Tohru.

"Momiji you idiot! This is not the criminal I told you to fetch!" Tohru scolded.

"Apologies, master," Momiji said meekly.

"No get me the right criminal, and stop calling me master," Tohru ordered.

"Yes Elektra," said Momiji as he left the room.

"Honda-san, who is it you're looking for?"

Tohru grabbed Yuki by his collar and brought him up closer to her face.

"You'll refer to me as Elektra," she whispered dangerously.

"Yes Elektra."

"Good, you learn quickly. The criminal I'm searching for, is him."

She showed Yuki a snapshot of Shigure.

"If you could, may I join for forces with you," Yuki asked.

"Yes. Patrol the third floor, and wear this badge so everyone knows you work for me," said Tohru.

She handed him a badge that read "Property of Elektra" on it.

"Before I go, could you remove these handcuffs?" Yuki asked.

Tohru quickly removed the handcuffs and handed Yuki a paintball gun.

"Use this as a weapon,' she said quickly and lead Yuki outside.

Once outside, Yuki put his badge on and started patrolling the hallways. He saw a couple teachers, but they said nothing as he walked past them, paintball gun in hand. After about 20 minutes, he finally found Shigure.

"Shigure, I have come to take you to my master," Yuki blurted.

"Don't think I'll come quietly. In fact, don't think I'll come at all," Shigure said, and he ran off.

Yuki fired at Shigure, barely missing him. Paint splattered the floors and walls. Shigure shot back, but also missed.

"Your aim sucks ass," Yuki yelled.

"Like your one to talk, dumbass!"

They kept running and shooting at each other. Shigure skid to a stop, and fired at Yuki's head. Yuki ducked to avoid being hit. When he got back up, Shigure stared past Yuki with a horrified look on his face.


	8. Cream Cheese and revnge of the baka hebi

"What have I done!" Shigure moaned.

Yuki turned around and saw Ayame on the floor, playing dead. Shigure must have hit Ayame with a red paintball, because it looked like he was shot in the chest. Yuki noticed that Ayame was not dressed up as the Sock Fairy anymore. Weird…..

"I've killed Aaya! How could I?" Shigure cried.

Yuki tried hard to contain his laughter. Shigure actually thought he killed Ayame. That idiot, Ayame could be killed by a stupid paintball gun.

"You're under arrest for murder," Yuki said to Shigure, while handcuffing him.

"Yes, take me away. Lock me up. I killed my best friend. I KILLED MY BEST FRIEND!" Shigure yelled.

"Quiet down, criminal," Yuki said, pointing his paintball gun to Shigure's head.

* * *

This was easier that he thought. He brought Shigure back to Tohru's office, who was very pleased with Yuki.

"You show much talent, Momiji always brought back anyone who ran in the hallways," Tohru said happily, while locking Shigure in a "jail cell" AKA the closet.

"So tell me, how did you do it?" Tohru asked, lowering her voice to a whisper.

"He thinks he killed Ayame," said Yuki.

"Ayame…….Ayame… he doesn't work for me. That makes no sense," said Tohru.

"I know. Unless Ayame is trying to get back at Shigure," said Yuki.

"That's your next assignment. Find out why Ayame faked his own death. Oh, and bring me back some coffee," said Tohru.

"And get me cream cheese! I want my cream cheese!" Kyo yelled.

* * *

Get answers out of Ayame wasn't hard, but how was Yuki suppose to get coffee and a bagel with cream cheese without leaving the school? Yuki focused on finding Ayame first. He found Ayame in the teachers' lounge, washing the paint off of his clothing.

"Nii-san, I have a few questions to ask you," Yuki said.

"I'll only answer if you help me with a few things," Ayame demanded.

"Like what?"

"First you have to find Rin."

"Why?"

"Don't you have some questions to ask me?"

"Oh yeah, why'd you pretend to be dead in front of Shigure?" Yuki asked.

"Revenge," Ayame said.

"What did he do?" Yuki asked.

"We got into a fight this morning. He accused me off stealing some of his book, like I'd read that trash. Then he got mad at me for calling his novels 'trashy' and he told me to get out," Ayame explained.

"Oh, so you let yourself be shot and pretended to die," said Yuki.

"Correct, and I need you to get Rin. She said she'll help me look like a ghost," said Ayame.

"OK, I'm off. I'll be back with Rin," said Yuki.

* * *

Yuki wandered the hallways, wondering how he would find Rin. He was brought back to reality when he bumped into someone. He looked up and saw that he bumped into Rin.

"What where you're going," she snapped.

"Rin! I've been looking for you!" said Yuki.

"Uh, why?" Rin asked.

"Well, I'm helping Ayame. He's the one that need your help. Something about a ghost," Yuki said.

"Oh yeah! I was looking for that baka hebi (A/N: baka hebi stupid snake)," said Rin.

"Yeah, follow me," said Yuki.

He led Rin back to the empty teachers' lounge where Ayame was sitting at one of the tables, falling asleep.

"Nii-san, I brought Rin back," said Yuki.

"Oh, good! How can I pay you?" Ayame asked.

"With coffee and cream cheese," said Yuki.

Ayame handed Yuki a coffee pot filled to the brim with coffee, and a package of cream cheese. Yuki took them and returned to Tohru's office.

* * *

"Good, you returned with the coffee," said Tohru.

Yuki handed over the filled coffee pot, and was then attacked by Kyo.

"CREAM CHEESE! I need my cream cheese!" Kyo shouted.

"Here," Yuki handed Kyo the package of cream cheese.

"I'll love you forever," Kyo said, rubbing his head against Yuki's arm in a cat-like manner (A/N: my cat does this)

"Uh… this is awkward," said Yuki.

Kyo was now sitting on Yuki's lap, purring and eating cream cheese.

"Kyo only loves two things, cream cheese and people who give him cream cheese,' said Tohru.

"Well this is weird," said Yuki.


	9. Play dead

"Hey Kyo?" Yuki asked.

"Yeah," Kyo answered, still eating cream cheese.

Yuki was speechless. He just kept staring at Kyo, who was still sitting on his lap. Kyo's hair was still a mess, and now he made cream cheese smudged on his face. He looked so…….. childish.

"Whatcha staring at?" Kyo asked.

"You have cream cheese all over your face," said Yuki.

Yuki grabbed a napkin off of Tohru's desk and wiped the cream cheese off of Kyo's face.

"Ack! What are you, my mother," Kyo yelled.

"Hell no, your face is a mess and it was bothering me," said Yuki.

"A likely story!" Shigure yelled from the closet.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Tohru screamed, throwing a book at the closet door.

"I'm going to go get more coffee," said Tohru.

"You drank that entire coffee pot?" Yuki asked.

"Nope, Kyo helped," Tohru said.

"I'M NOT KYO!" Kyo yelled.

"Yes you are!" Yuki said.

"OK, whatever you say," Kyo said, purring.

"Kyo?"

"Yeah?"

"You're scaring me."

"That hurts my feelings!" Kyo yelled, and then he started to cry.

Yuki thought he was faking it at first, but they were real tears. Yuki had never seen Kyo cry. It was kinda freaky.

"I'm sorry Kyo, I didn't mean to make you cry," Yuki comforted.

"But you did," Kyo sniffed.

"What if I get you more cream cheese?" Yuki asked.

"I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!" Kyo yelled.

"OK, let's go!" Kyo cheered.

The two left Shigure in the closet and left to find more cream cheese. Yuki couldn't understand why Kyo loved cream cheese so much (A/N: YUKI YOU BAKA!). They heard a huge crash and rushed to see who got injured. It was Ritsu (A/N: poor Ri-chan)

"Ritsu, are you OK," Yuki asked.

"I'm sorry! I think I broke my arm. I'M SORRY!" Ritsu yelled.

"Cream cheese will make it all better!" said Kyo.

"No it won't, Ritsu can you bend your arm?" Yuki asked.

Ritsu shook his head.

"What'd you trip on?" Kyo asked.

"I don't think I tripped on anything. I felt someone shove me. I'm sorry," said Ritsu.

Out of nowhere, Kureno came running towards the three.

"Have you seen Akito anywhere?" he asked.

"Nope, why?" asked Kyo.

"She escaped….again," said Kureno.

"Oh, that's too bad. Cream cheese will make it all better!" Kyo cheered.

"FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, NO IT WON'T ," Yuki screamed.

This only made Ritsu apologize, Kureno run, and Kyo cry.

"I'm sorry Kyo. I didn't mean to make you cry," Yuki said.

"B-but y-y-you did!" Kyo sniffed.

"Can I make it up to you?" Yuki asked.

"Cream cheese," said Kyo.

"OK, I'll buy you more cream cheese," said Yuki.

Kyo's face immediately lit up and he kissed Yuki on the cheek.

"Thank you, I love you forever," Kyo said.

Yuki was still shocked from Kyo's kiss, but he snapped out of it to help Ritsu.

"OK Ritsu, can you get up?" Yuki asked.

Ritsu shook his head.

"Ok, grab my hand and I'll help you up," said Yuki.

Yuki grabbed Ritsu's hand and pulled him up.

"We'll have to find Hatori and hope he can snap out of his insanity to help you," said Yuki.

**Meanwhile, back at Tohru's office:**

Shigure was still locked in the closet, thinking he killed Ayame. He heard the door open and screamed when he was who entered. It was Ayame's ghost.

"I'm sorry I killed you, it was an accident," Shigure pleaded.

"SILENCE! I have come to take you to the underworld,' Ayame said.

Ayame was secretly laughing in his head. All he did was (with Rin's help) put flour all over his clothing and face to make himself appear ghost-like. He opened the door of the closet and led Shigure out of the office and leaded him to Hatori's office (A/N: the "haunted" classroom).

"What's going on?" Shigure asked.

"The devil will speak to you now," said Hatori, who was also covered in flour.

"Haa-san, you're dead too," Shigure asked, who was seriously confused.

"QUIET!" yelled a voice.

Akito appeared out of nowhere, dressed in a Halloween costume, trying to be the devil.

"I knew you were the devil!" Shigure exclaimed.

"Silence! I care not for what you think," Akito said.

"Sorry," Shigure muttered.

"Do you know why you are here?" Akito asked.

"No, I was hoping you would tell me," said Shigure.

"APRIL FOOLS!" Hatori, Akito and Ayame yelled.

"What?" Shigure said, confused.

"This was all a joke. Ayame and Hatori aren't dead, they're just covered in flour, and I'm just in a costume," said Akito.

Ayame, Akito and Hatori all howled with laughter, which made Shigure angry.

"You guys SUCK!" he yelled.

"I'm sorry Gure-san. I still love you, put you're expression was PRICELESS," Ayame said, in-between laughs.

"You're right. I'm sorry," said Shigure.

"Yeah, besides, you played before too, and scared me," said Ayame.

**Flashback:**

Ayame was playing fetch with Shigure (who was in dog form) during their last summer vacation.

"Sit!" Ayame ordered.

Shigure sat down.

"Roll over!"

Shigure roll over. Ayame grinned evilly.

"Play dead!"

Shigure choked and fell over dead and Ayame laughed loudly for five minutes straight.

"OK Shigure, that's enough," Ayame said to Shigure, who was still collapsed.

"Shigure?" Ayame prodded the dog, who was still.

"TORI-SAN, SHIGURE IS DEAD!" Ayame called to Hatori, who was reading a book nearby.

"Really?" Hatori said amused.

At the sound of Hatori's voice, Shigure sprang to live and started licking Ayame's face (he is a dog after all).

"That was not funny!" Ayame said, and stormed off

**End Flashback**

"Plus you got mad at me this morning because I called your novel trashy," said Ayame.

"That hurt my feelings!" Shigure said.

"It hurt my feelings when you played dead," Ayame argued.

"Let's promise to never play dead to each other again!" said Shigure.

"OK!" Ayame agreed.

"You guys are retarded,' said Akito.

"I second that," said Hatori.

That was my best chapter, and it was pretty long. Review……now…..


	10. The End

Konnichiwa, Sakuma here. This is the final chapter. Hope you enjoyed the ride, but I might do a sequel.

"Yuki and Kyo were still on a quest. A quest for CREAM CHEESE! Joining their party was Ritsu, who broke his arm," Kureno said in a weird voice.

"I'm sorry!" Ritsu said

"Would you cut that weird-ass narration out Kureno. It gives me the creeps," said Yuki.

"Little did they know what danger laid ahead on their Conquest for Cream Cheese," said Kureno.

"I SAID CUT IT OUT!" Yuki yelled.

"Oh come on, lighten up!" said Kureno.

"May I remind you that we are helping you find Akito," said Yuki.

"Fine, I chill," said Kureno.

"What got into you today?" asked Yuki.

"_I_ should be asking _you_ that," said Kureno.

"Shut up," Yuki growled.

"Are we there yet?" asked Kyo.

"No!" Yuki said.

"Why not?" Kyo asked.

"I can't answer that," said Yuki.

"Why not? Do you know where we even going?" asked Kyo.

"Of course not! Now be quiet," said Yuki.

The group of four walked down the stairs to the second floor and walked down several hallways. They then came across the familiar classroom. The one Hatori was in.

"Well, here we are," said Yuki.

Kureno opened the door and the four stepped inside. Ayame, Akito, Shigure and Hatori were all playing Go Fish.

"Ha! I win!" Akito cried.

"Nope, that's cheating!" Shigure complained.

"Shut up!" Akito said, hitting Shigure over the head.

"Akito, there you are!" Kureno said.

"No, I don't wanna go!" Akito complained.

"Come quietly and I won't get the jacket," said Kureno.

"Ok, bye guys," Akito said to the others.

Kureno and Akito left the room.

"Oh, there you are Ritsu, let me put your arm in a splint," Hatori said.

Hatori made a splint using a book and a scarf.

"It sucks, but I'll properly bandage your arm later, at home," said Hatori.

"Thank you Hatori,' Ritsu said, and he left the room.

"Kyon-kichi! I have some cream cheese for you," said Ayame, waving around a package of cream cheese.

" I love you forever!" Kyo said, attaching himself to Ayame.

Ayame and Kyo then left the room.

"Wait for me!" Shigure called, and ran after the two.

Now it was just Hatori and Yuki.

"I think I've caused enough damage today. Goodnight Yuki,' said Hatori.

Yuki was about to say something when he felt dizzy. The room was spinning and he couldn't keep up with it. Before he could do anything, he fainted.

**The Next Morning:**

Yuki woke up the next morning in his own bed. He felt his forehead and he wasn't feverish anymore.

"_Did I dream it all?"_ Yuki thought to himself.

Yuki rushed downstairs to see f anything was different. Tohru was making breakfast, Shigure was reading the newspaper, and Kyo on the roof somewhere.

"Elektra, why are you making breakfast?" Yuki asked Tohru.

"Elektra? I'm Tohru, remember. I always make breakfast," Tohru said cheerfully.

"Yuki are you OK?" Shigure asked.

"Don't you remember yesterday. You thought you killed Nii-san, Tohru thought she was Elektra, Nii-san thought he was the Sock Fairy, Kyo was obsessed with cream cheese," Yuki said.

"Yuki, are you ill?" Shigure asked.

Yuki ran up to the roof to interrogate Kyo.

"Kyo, do you remember yesterday?" he asked.

"Yeah, what about it?" Kyo asked.

"You love cream cheese, remember?" Yuki asked.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kyo asked.

"Remember Tohru said,_" Kyo only loves two things, cream cheese and people who give him cream cheese_. Don't you remember?" Yuki asked.

"No, I **do** think you're crazy though," said Kyo.

"Breakfast is ready,' Tohru called.

The two got off the roof to go eat breakfast.

"Don't **any** of you remember yesterday," Yuki asked.

"We don't know what you're talking about," said Tohru.

"Why don't you go get dressed first," Shigure suggested.

Yuki went to go change into his uniform, still confused.

"Did you see the look on his face," Kyo said, when Yuki out of earshot.

"It was priceless," said Shigure.

"He really thinks we don't remember yesterday," said Tohru.

"Oh, but we do!" Shigure laughed.

"I can't believe you thought you killed Ayame-san," Tohru laughed.

"I can't believe you kissed Yuki," Shigure laughed at Kyo.

"You kissed Yuki?" Tohru asked, shocked.

Kyo turned bright red," Shut up both of you!"

"Aw, you're blushing," said Yuki, who heard the entire conversation, and was pissed.

"Yuki! What are you doing here!" Shigure said.

"I live here. I can't believe you tricked me! I seriously thought I went insane!" Yuki yelled.

"It was Hatori's plan," said Kyo.

"Yup, Sugar and Insanity!"

So that's the end. Hatori never did get his cough syrup back. That idiot!


End file.
